Love Her and Despair Remaster [43]

[auronlu]

Title: Love Her and Despair
Chapter 43: "Sunrise"
Final Fantasy X/X-2
Characters: Auron/Lulu, Yuna, Wakka
Rating: PG
Word Count: 2400
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The Story So Far: Freed from Sin's bonds, Lulu rests on Brother's airship after the final battle with Yu Yevon.


Illustration by author

Sin was dead, but for those who had passed through the eye of the spiral, old echoes kept returning. 

Here, now: a quiet space. An airship cabin. Thrumming walls and floor. Not quite room enough for two on a narrow bunk. Blue-black light spilling through a glass window curving from floor to ceiling, emanating cold. Warm blankets, the warmer flesh beneath. The mage's flickering presence dreaming nearby like a sword in its sheath, her powers slumbering, all polished curves and steel. These things Auron remembered and savored, although he felt the irrevocable gulf between then and now like the knotted flesh under his right eyelid. Still once again he sat meditating on the cold deck beside her bunk, contemplating journey's end and the gleam of one pale shoulder in the first light of dawn. 

It seemed to him that Lulu's hair held a faint translucence like the boughs of Macalania trees. Or maybe he was dreaming. He was very tired.

A crash roused him. He must have dropped off after all. The sky and cabin were dusted in a pinkish-gray light. Beside him, Lulu sat bolt upright with a feral hiss and a flash that smelled of burnt feathers. Auron flicked the top blanket out from under her hands and clapped it against the floor, snuffing out sparks. 

"My sword fell," he said. "Propped outside." 

"Ah." She exhaled. Nonetheless, the rigid line of her shoulders flinched in counterpoint to the clanking beats of the weapon tumbling down the staircase.

Auron remembered how he had found her, chained to ice by his own swords. Swallowing a surge of anger, he rose to stand between her and the door. "Bad dreams?"

"Of course." Defiance drew her voice taut. "But they're my dreams." 

He set his hand over hers and moved to the door. There he listened for any sound, hoping that none of the children had been clubbed by the weapon on its way down. All was silent. He started to move away, then paused at a minute sound— a sniff? He thumbed the switch. Yuna stood there petrified in her pajamas, clutching her shoopuf doll over her mouth.

"Come," he said, leaning out past her to check for casualties. The lounge was deserted, but he could hear indistinct grumbles drifting up from adjacent cabins.

"S-s-sorry." She edged around him, skittish as a bird. Then she spotted the figure silhouetted against the sky, barely a figure at all with head bowed and hair draping her in a veil of shadow.

Lulu failed to register the intruder before Yuna had hurtled up and into her lap, thrusting the doll into her hands and flinging small arms around her. Lulu stiffened. The girl nuzzled close, making small noises like Valefor with a favorite summoner. The mage's right hand lifted in self-defense.

"Hold," Auron said.

White fingers hovered, hesitated, settled on the girl's back. Time hitched. He saw the precipitous moment when shock and wonder burst over Lulu like a thunderclap just before she crumpled around Yuna and buried her face in the girl's hair, squishing the doll between them.

"We're on uncle's airship," Yuna said, muffled. "It's not the bad place."

"I know," Lulu said. "I hope I wasn't giving you bad dreams again."

"A little. It's okay."

"No, it's not." The mage was rocking her like a moogle. "I apologize."

Sleepy with trust, Yuna curled against her. Lulu continued to rock her, composed now, relaxed. Auron's skin prickled with a powerful pang of— something— not déjà vu, exactly, but thwarted possibilities, the ghost of a wicker cradle.

"You know who I am, right?" Yuna said.

"Of course. My little patch of sun." Lulu breathed out, ruffling the girl's red-gold curls. "Yuna." She cupped the name exactly as she used to address their summoner, a prayer after every other sacred truth had shattered. Auron had expected to hear some tremor of… grief? regret? But no, the child who bore Yuna's name should not be laden with guilt or ghosts. "You were singing to me last night, weren't you? Or did I dream that, too?"

"We did," Yuna said. "You heard! Dad tried too, but he can't sing."

"No." Lulu smiled. "But look at you now. So big! Let me see you properly."

"Hi." Uncurling, Yuna returned her inspection with shy awe. "You're smaller awake."

"I should hope so." She raised misted eyes and looked across the room, seeking him out. "Both of you," she mouthed. He shrugged and drifted over.

Yuna touched a scar on her wrist. "It's all gone? You're not sick anymore?" 

"It's gone. Forever, Yuna. Sir Auron helped me break my chains."

"And it won't come back?" She twisted around. "You killed it for real, this time? No screw-ups?"

He nodded, mouth twitching. "No screw-ups."

"Good. I told Vidina he shouldn't have stepped on you." Her forehead wrinkled. "But no more gardens now, right? No more magic?" 

"Well..." Lulu drew out the word in a purr, eyes unfocusing in a way that made Auron scan the room for flammable objects. "I filled your cistern before I left. That's plenty for a year or two, yes? And there's a new underground lake in Old Home's ruins that a clever Al Bhed could tap. As for magic, I can still do... this!" She wiggled her fingers over the back of Yuna's neck. A few splats of water fell.

Yuna squirmed. "Tickles!" 

"The Lady never tickles," Lulu said, raising both hands high. Misunderstanding the gesture, Yuna dove towards Auron, squealing, "Safe zone!" Freed of her weight, the toy shoopuf stood up, teetering on its pudgy feet and lifting its trunk in imitation of the mage's spell-casting. There was a quite unnecessary crack of thunder. A fine caressing mist began to rain down, mild as a lullaby, tinted by sunrise to the color of Yuna's hair. Yuna whooped and released Auron's belt, laughing and reaching for the ceiling. The shoopuf twirled comically. Moisture beaded on windows and walls, capturing the dawn in liquid gems.

"Machina don't like water," Auron said gruffly. He would never admit it, but the damp fabric of Lulu's white tunic was difficult to ignore.

Lulu gave him a coy look. "You looked thirsty." 

"Hmph." He frowned for appearance's sake, secretly glad to find her peculiar adolescent streak intact.

"Auron's a grouch," Yuna said, getting up to dance with the shoopuf. "Shoopuf, shoopuf, grumpy umpy shoopuf! Shoopuf, shoopuf, scoop 'em up... aw, wait!" She caught the doll as it toppled over, released from Lulu's spell. "Do it again!"

"Outside." Lulu ruffled her damp curls. "Outside, I'll show you how grouchy he can be when I release a cloudburst on his head."

The deck pulsed, and there was a subtle tug of deceleration. Tearing his eyes away from the pair, Auron looked out. The flare of a thousand mirrored points impressed even him. "Look."

Below, the forested shores of Macalania were sparkling with fire. The lake holding Sin's last victims was directly below them, safely out of sight. The Bay of Bevelle stretched out before them, bisected by the blackened sticks of the Highbridge jutting out of the water. Far away in the haze, the mountain-city of St. Bevelle rose up, a child's toy enameled in blue and scarlet. From this distance, the damaged tower and chipped skyline were invisible, but every eastern-facing window flashed as the ship turned.

"Wow," Yuna said.

"The city of St. Bevelle," Lulu said, falling back into travelogue so easily that Auron smirked. "Seat of the four maesters of Yevon. Sir Auron trained there among the warrior monks, and Yuna was raised there."

"Oh-h. But she was born in Bikanel, right?"

"I believe so."

"Lady Yuna." The girl spoke in a hushed voice. "I remember your dream-pictures of her. She helped you get ready in the morning, right? You liked that." Settling onto the pillow behind her, she combed Lulu's long mane and divided off a section with an air of solemn ritual. Her fingers twinkled through the black as she began to braid. The mage's lashes glistened.

Outside the window, Bevelle began to tilt, scrolling off to the left as the Celsius turned towards it. Sliding into view was a frozen headland. Beyond it lay the open ocean, steel-leafed with a broad avenue of white-hot gold leading to the sun peeping over the horizon.

It was a dawn. Sin had bathed in many of them, its hard hide unlovely in the sun's blaze. But Auron had not needed his brief, dangerous merging with the Lady, when Yu Yevon had tried to absorb him, to know that Sin was blind. It sensed only things outside its shell: densities, surfaces, energies, soul-sparks, but never light. Lulu shrank and shaded her eyes but would not look away.

"We'll get you some goggles," Yuna said. "Then you can be an Al Bhed!"

"That would be lovely."

"Mm-hm!" Yuna poked Auron. "Hey! You help too."

Auron looked at the mass of hair still blanketing Lulu's shoulders. Rules of engagement echoed in his mind: never on duty, never where others might see, never when someone might burst in and— Discretion be damned. It was not as if Wakka could kill him, and there was no longer an observant summoner who might balk at parting dear friends when it came time to send. Shucking his gauntlet, he plunged his hands into black waves. Lulu arched her back, leaning against his fingers as they moved across her scalp and down.

Yuna beamed up at him. "Race you!"

"You win."

Lulu chuckled, the louder for Yuna's pleased giggles.

"So," Yuna said. "You're coming home with us, right? Back to Bikanel?"

"Hmm," Lulu said. "I should like to. But there are a few things Sir Auron and I must do."

"Like what?"

"Celebrate, for one." Lulu pointed towards the city. "When Sin falls, Yevon holds a festival to commemorate the new Calm. There will be parades and fireworks—"

Auron snorted.

"—and I hope your parents will let you stay for them. Would you like that?"

"Fireworks?" Yuna beamed. "Mum makes fireworks in the kitchen!"

"Bigger fireworks. Much bigger." 

"Ooo! Yes, please." Yuna's face fell. "But after that, you're going away? Where to?"

Auron filled in when the mage hesitated. "Mount Gagazet. To check on the Ronso."

Lulu's voice softened. "Yes. To visit Sir Auron's family."

"Auron has a family?" Yuna looked from one to the other. "But I thought—"

"As you and I are family, Yuna."

"Oh, right. The Ronso!" She reached the end of the plait, licked the tip and made a neat knot before starting on the next. "And after that?"

"We shall see. Sir Auron and I are still guardians, Yuna."

"Awww." Her pout dissolved at a thought. "Hey! Since Sin's dead, I can be a summoner now, right? And would you be my guardians? Sir Auron, too?"

Lulu could not see the eyebrow Auron arched in her direction. "I'm sorry, Yuna. Even if your parents would allow it, there's no aeons left. The fayth asked me to free them. They've gone to the Farplane."

"All of them?" Yuna pressed. "But I wanted to meet them!"

Except Shiva, Auron thought, but did not say it. How many times now had Lulu undertaken one pilgrimage to head off another? "Summon dreams from the living," he said, "not the dead."

"But—"

"Sir Auron is right," Lulu said. "You know what it is to be a fayth, Yuna. Love them enough to let them go."

Yuna's face clouded over. The floor pitched, cutting off another protest. The bulkheads rattled as the ship descended, buffeted by warmer air from the bay. At first Auron thought the noise was due only to turbulence, but the racket grew louder as the ship steadied. Someone was hammering on the door.

"Daaa-aaad!" Yuna clapped her hands over her ears.

"Enter," Lulu called. "Wakka, I hear these Al Bhed have a magical device called a doorbell."

"Morning, Lu!" Wakka came in. "Hey, Yunie! Thought I'd find you up here." 

"We're doing Lulu's hair!" she said, waving the fluffy end of a braid. "And look! Lulu made it rain!" Hopping down, she skated across the wet floor, crashing into his legs. "Wheee!"

"That's great!" he said, catching her. "But now you gotta hold on tight. We're landing. Grab a quick bite in Bevelle, then we'll go home. Ready for some real food, Lu?"

"I... think so?" She gave a rueful laugh. "I suppose I should be famished."

"But the fireworks!" Yuna wrapped around Wakka's leg, pleading. "We have to stay in Bevelle with Lulu!"

"Fireworks?" Wakka gave the mage an anxious look, then clapped his forehead. "Oh, the Calm Festival. I forgot. Well, uh..." Auron suspected that the mage's state of dress was affecting the man's vocal chords. Auron finished off a braid and moved to retrieve his coat while Wakka fumbled. "You wanna stay, Lu? In Bevelle?"

"Only for a little while." Lulu shrugged into the coat with more dignity than the tattered garment deserved. "It's not that I don't want to see your home, Wakka. I just..."

"...need some time to think, ya?" He smiled. "It's okay, Lu. You do what you need. Yeah, this'll work. Elder Cid has to run straight back to Baaj, but Rikku and I can stick around and bum a ride with Gippal when he comes back. The kids, too," he said, seeing Yuna's stricken expression. "Then we'll see how you're feeling."

"Isaaru," Auron said. "Is he awake?"

"Uh." Wakka's brow furrowed. "Hey, what's he still doin' in here, anyway?" 

"Wakka," Lulu prodded. "The summoner. He was injured, wasn't he?"

"Oh, right." Wakka shook his head. "Haven't seen him since we came aboard. Guess he's still in his cabin."

"Go on," Lulu said. "We'll catch up later."

Auron gave her a blank look.

She smiled up at him, sad yet approving. "One of us, at least, should see a summoner home."

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Next Chapter: "Points of Departure"

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Author's Notes

Chapter renumbering: originally Chapter 45, posted July 2011

Comments

[melchar]

This is chapter 43, right? That said, I love what you wrote then - and adore how you have revised/edited it for the -now-!

[mintywolf]

OH NO! MY FEELINGS!!

I remember this chapter because it was the one that made me cry when I read it the first time (and consequently got me a sympathetic cat snoot shoved into my eye).

It really is a testament to your writing strength that I got so engaged in a story whose premise hinges on the destruction of my most sacred OTP. The entire book is painful for me because of the simple absence of Yuna, from the story and for the most part even from Lulu's thoughts. (Compared to, you know, this.) So every time I'm reading some background-noise part of my heart is longing constantly for a reunion, and this is probably as close to one as there's going to be.

It's all beautiful, but it hurts!!

[auronlu]

I know, and I'm afraid some of the reunions coming up will be less than satisfying. Although Lulu has not forgotten, considering she channeled all of Sin's destructive power as much as she could towards those she blamed for Yuna's death. (The Guado are just about extinct in this universe.) But as you say, it's a different order of magnitude from how she is in Guardian.

My Lulu hasn't had much time to think without Yevon eavesdropping, applying mental pressure, and encouraging her negative emotions (save when she was able to resist or deceive it) in a very long time. That's got to have some profound psychological effects.