Love Her and Despair Remaster [17]

[auronlu]

Title: Love Her and Despair
Chapter 21: "Love Her and Despair"
Final Fantasy X
Characters: Auron, Isaaru, Maroda, Elma, Rikku, Gippal
Rating: PG
Word Count: 3000
Summary: Revelations from Yuna's pilgrimage.
Navigation: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Map/ToC

illustration by mintywolf

Our Story So Far: On a rampage to destroy the temples of Yevon, Sin transports Isaaru and companions to Bikanel Island, where Wakka and Rikku are raising a family. Gippal gives Isaaru's party a lift to the new Al Bhed Home.

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The flyer wobbled under the weight of extra passengers, accompanied by Rikku's swearing in two languages. Maroda rode white-knuckled, his brother with serene resignation. Elma, the machina-phobe, clung to her seat with a dour expression, but gave herself away with a whoop when the flier hopped over a sand-worm that unexpectedly rose behind a crumbling ruin. Auron simply played barnacle. Gippal was quiet too, for once, focused on steering a smooth course for the sake of his unsecured passengers.

They were streaking towards a gray hump emerging from the dunes. The shape soon resolved itself into a bulbous, unlovely hulk of an airship with the profile of an oversized bathtub, its hull a crude patchwork of fins, engine pods, exhaust ports and mismatched panels. It was moored on the southern tip of the island with the bulk of its fuselage hanging over open water. An aft loading ramp extended down to the beach.

The flyer slowed to a crawl and slithered up the ramp into the belly of the ship, coming to an abrupt halt against a stack of barrels. The engines screamed in the enclosed space, then faded to silence. Deafened passengers roused themselves and looked around. Floor-to-ceiling stacks of crates and gun racks loomed on all sides, making it a wonder they had not struck anything on the way in.

"Well, here we are," Gippal said, hopping up onto the flyer's windshield to kick a knob on the wall. The ramp and cargo bay doors began to close with a hiss of hydraulics. Dingy amber lights flickered to life in the ceiling as the rectangle of daylight behind them narrowed and vanished.

"You gotta get a new paint job for this bucket, Gippal," Rikku said. "It looks like a flying turd."

"Flies like one, too." Gippal circled the small craft, securing it with magnetic clamps. "Joyride's over, people. Head upstairs. I'll be there in a minute."

Rikku pushed past Auron, scrambling over the side and heading for a ladder scaling the forward bulkhead. Auron climbed up after her. The others followed slowly, feeling their way in the alien environment. They emerged in a dim corridor lined by metal doors. Double doors at the far end opened onto a flight deck. Here the Yevonites pulled up short. The walls, floor, and ceiling were made of a clear material that looked like glass but clanked like metal. There were four crew stations arranged in a diamond in the nose of the ship: a pilot's seat suspended from the ceiling, a gunner's station in a well below, and secondary operations consoles on either side.

Rikku slid into the left-hand seat and started pecking at the controls. A sphere of blue light materialized over the console showing a map of the island. "Oh," she said, glancing over her shoulder at the logjam of people on the short tongue of metal in front of the doors. "Take any seat but the top one. Don't touch anything."

Gippal emerged from the back as they were settling in. He chuckled at the shellshocked expressions of his Yevonite passengers. "First time flying, eh?"

Elma lowered herself into the gunner's bubble with nothing beneath her but ocean. "Wow. I think I'm gonna have to do all kinds of atonement when we get back to Bevelle."

"We, uh, were on Cid's airship once," Maroda said, helping Isaaru into the remaining seat.

"The Fahrenheit's a luxury yacht for some high muckety-muck. This slug's an old army transport. Hey, Rikku, you remember how to work the scanner?"

"I'm on it." She waved Maroda over. "Take a look. Red dots are fiends. Green dots are alive. Green dots with a white circle around 'em are alive plus metal, which means people. Simple, eh?"

"Or a sand worm that's eaten a machina," Gippal said, climbing into the pilot's seat and pushing the steering yoke forward. The airship swung out over the waves and back inland. Dunes began to scroll beneath them, accelerating to a blur. "Sing out if you spot anything."

"I'm not sure if Lucil's carrying anything metal," Elma said, watching the desert rushing between her feet.

"Boots," Maroda suggested. "Buckles. Her cane. Is that enough for the sensors to pick up?"

"Should be," Gippal said. "Oh, that reminds me. Rikku, what's Nooj done to get himself locked up this time? He got left behind when Home was evacuated. Cid blew me off about it."

"Oh," she said. "Gip, Nooj had another fit and shot up the R&D lab. Landed Shinra in the infirmary. Pops is still trying to decide what to do about him. He's a whiz with ancient machina, but if Shinra can't figure out what's making him fritz, I'm afraid he may get his death wish." She sighed. "Assuming Sin didn't save us the trouble."

"The Nooj?" Elma said. "He's still kicking? I thought he was dead."

"Not for lack of trying," Gippal said. "Lnywo vilgehk sukchukkan."

Isaaru eased out of his seat and walked back to Auron, who had planted himself against the aft bulkhead beside the doors.

"Sir Auron?" he said, lowering his voice. "Your thoughts?"

"We're running out of time." Not for the first time, he felt the maddening tug of a goal receding into the distance, as he had so often in Dream-Zanarkand before he had mastered slidewalks.

"Yes. But we must make certain that Pacce and Lucil are not lost in this Yevon-forsaken wilderness." Isaaru smiled at Auron's sour expression. "I know. Sin won't wait. But in all honesty, my friend, do you believe we are ready to face Sin?"

"No." Auron grimaced. "This pilgrimage is going nowhere."

"As I thought," Isaaru said, unruffled. "I must speak with Elder Cid. His machina may be our only chance of saving Bevelle."

"We won't reach it in time. Sin's heading north. We're headed south." Auron considered. "Except... it's expended a great deal of power. Eventually it has to rest."

"May Yevon grant it so." Isaaru moved through the motions of prayer, then turned towards Rikku. "I'm eager to learn what is on that sphere. Do you know, Sir Auron?"

"Probably."

"You don't sound pleased," Isaaru said. "Are you afraid of what it will show us?"

"You'd learn sooner or later," Auron said. "I just hope 'sooner' turns out better than 'later.'"

Two hours later, they had found nothing more than machina drones, a salvage team in the ruins of Old Home, and a territorial zu that kept bouncing off the glass until they gave up on that sector. Elma was starting to drift off. Gippal nudged her with his foot. "Yo. Don't touch that, lady, or you'll really have something to atone for." He turned to Isaaru. "Well, that's the whole island. You folks satisfied? We've got to turn for Home sooner or later. Cid's gonna blow a gasket as it is."

"But—" Maroda said.

Elma jerked away from the gun controls. "I know how you feel, Captain, believe me." She stared at the monotonous landscape speeding below them. "But we've got a job to do, eh? Pacce's a trooper. He'll be fine wherever he is. And the general wouldn't want us wasting time on her."

"We must pray that they were left behind in Djose," Isaaru said. "Meanwhile, Sin continues its pilgrimage. We must resume ours."

Rikku rolled her eyes. "Yevonites."

"I'll take that as a yes," Gippal said, throwing the steering yoke hard to one side. Elma yelped as the ground tilted steeply and a burst of acceleration pressed them into their seats. Maroda went skidding backwards. Dunes gave way to reef, then open water, dropping away rapidly as the ship climbed.

"Whew," Rikku said. "You've been tinkering with the engines, haven't you?"

"You'd better believe it. Though I can't take full credit. I'm testing a new booster for Shinra."

Maroda righted himself and looked irritably at Auron, who had not budged. "Give us a little warning next time, okay?" He came forward again as the ship began to level off. "So how long till we reach Home?"

"We've got about five hours," Gippal said. He pressed a button, pushed away the controls and propped his boots on the steering yoke. "Phew. I'm beat. I've locked us on cruise. Rikku, think you could handle things up here if I crash for a while? I haven't slept in two days."

"Sure, leave it to me!" Rikku chuckled at Elma's expression, which had changed to alarm at the word crash. "Don't worry. I know how to fly this thing. I just can't land!"

"Oh, great," Elma said.

"All righty, then. No rearranging the control preferences while I'm out." Gippal climbed down from the pilot's seat. "I'll see you in a few hours.

"Well." Maroda cleared his throat as the doors slid shut behind Gippal. "Since we've got some time—"

"Gotcha," Rikku said, digging Wakka's sphere out of her satchel. "Gimme a sec. I think I can project the recording onto the forward screens." Moving to the console in front of Isaaru, she popped Wakka's sphere into a socket. "Auron? If you've got anything to say, better do it now."

Auron shook his head. "Just do it."

The breathtaking panorama of ocean and sky receded behind a floor-to-ceiling hologram, a nebulous darkness spattered with stars and swirling lights. At first, it was impossible to decipher what they were looking at. Then the lower half of a girl's face flashed into view, filling most of the screen. Elma gasped. Thirteen years had passed since anyone had seen the High Summoner alive, but her etherial, sweet smile was unmistakable.

Rikku squatted down on the floor by Isaaru, folding her arms tightly around herself.

The view tilted crazily as Yuna set the sphere down and stepped back, revealing a night-shrouded landscape of rubble and broken spires. The darkness was not merely black, but a tapestry of somber colors too subtle to distinguish. Rivers of pyreflies flowed over the ruins in sluggish eddies, weaving across pulverized walls and broken pavement. It was a beautiful, terrible, unreal vision, a dream flirting with the shores of nightmare.

"Zanarkand?" Maroda said in a hushed whisper.

Isaaru rose to his feet in reverent awe, sweeping his arms in Yevon's prayer.

Floating before them, Yuna's slim form seemed to soar through an expanse of sea and puffy clouds. As their eyes began to adjust to the double image, a dark figure stepped forward into focus. Yuna's companion was camouflaged by her black garments, so that her pale shoulders, neck and head seemed suspended in mid-air. Black hair falling at a slant over her left eye reduced her face to a white triangle.

"The Lady," Isaaru said, recognizing the likeness he had borne briefly on a talisman of bone. "In Yevon's name, who...?"

"Hello, everyone!" Yuna said, clasping her hands and beaming out at them. "Um... I just want to say... thank you so much. And I'm sorry. Lulu and I have gone on ahead. But before you go chasing after us, I... I want to explain. Please, hear us out."

"Giving you a bigger headstart," Rikku grumbled.

"I know this isn't what we talked about last night. But we've come so far. All the way to Zanarkand. I can't stop now. If I did, all we've been through— all the sacrifices of the people we've lost— would be for nothing." She trailed off, fingering a necklace with a Y-shaped pendant. Lulu held her until she regained her composure. "And now... Sir Auron says the pilgrimage itself is a lie. But fighting Yunalesca won't bring my father back, or save Sir Jecht, or help Spira."

"A lie?" Maroda said, turning to glare at Auron. He did not answer, but was staring transfixed. His detached mask had fallen away, replaced by raw, impotent anger so bleak that it held a tinge of madness.

Yuna, stubborn and certain beyond the reach of any protests, kept talking. "Sir Auron, you were right. There is another way. Lulu's thought of a plan to break the cycle, really and truly. When we've finished, we'll be with our loved ones, and Spira will be free of Sin... forever. So you mustn't be sad for us."

"Yunie," Rikku breathed, eyes starting to water. "We loved you too."

"But we'll need every one of you for this to work. So I've got to ask you to help me one last time, although it's the hardest thing I've ever asked you to do. Please. Help me... help us end Spira's sorrow. I know we can do it, together." Again Yuna's smile flashed out like a pyrefly's gleam.

Lulu placed a hand on her shoulder and began to speak in the same measured tones that she had used to instruct Tidus. "Sir Auron has given us a weapon possessed by no summoner or guardian before: the truth. At last we know what the Final Summoning means, so we can prepare for it. Yuna and I shall vanquish Sin. Then it will be up to you to defeat the next Sin, before Yu Yevon can replenish it. Listen closely." Another audience, one that neither Yuna nor Lulu could have anticipated, held their breaths. "In the battle against Sir Jecht, I shall expend as much power as I can. Thus, when Yu Yevon joins with me, I will be vulnerable. That is when you must—"

"Jecht?" Elma said, bewildered. "Yu... Yevon?"

A gruff voice cut through Lulu's speech. "You're not going."

Isaaru started. But this, too, was part of the recording. An image of Auron with darker hair stepped into view.

"Sir Auron?" Yuna said. "You would stop me now, after guiding us all this way?"

"No." He moved towards her, looming over the sphere's lens until his red coat filled the sky. "If you are resolved, I am still your guardian. But there is no reason for Lulu to die."

"I... I don't want anyone else to die. But if it truly ends Sin forever..."

"Sir Auron," Lulu said. "I have trained for this moment all my life, although I did not understand clearly until now what I was preparing for. When Yuna chose the summoner's path, I made my choice, too. I told Yuna the morning we left: This is our journey."

"Lulu," Yuna said, voice raw.

"There's no need to sacrifice another guardian," Auron said. A shift in his stance uncovered the spherecam again. Yuna was just stepping back from embracing Lulu. "I made a promise to Jecht."

"Which is precisely why you cannot be the Final Aeon," Lulu said. "Above all others, you cherish Sir Jecht and Lord Braska. Loyalty to them is what brought you here. I came here for Yuna. Did you not say that the bond between summoner and summoned is what gives the aeon its power? But even if Lady Yunalesca accepts you, and what you have sacrificed—" she gave him a pointed look— "how could we hope to destroy you, when nothing else has? Please, Auron. Help us. Don't hinder us. The others may awaken at any moment."

He stared down at her. Viewers waited with bated breath for history to reaffirm itself. Finally, he gave a grudging nod. His answer was a surprisingly gentle whisper. "Let's go."

Yuna smiled fondly at both of them. "It has been an honor, Sir Auron."

Marching away, the two guardians fell behind their summoner in lockstep. Forgotten, the abandoned sphere kept recording until they were swallowed by Zanarkand's ruins and its pyrefly custodians. Back on the flight deck, Rikku wiped her eyes, reached forward, and switched off the recording.

"So," Elma said. "About how many years should I atone for hearing that? Operation Mi'ihen took three."

"Don't you get it?" Rikku said. "Yevon's a stupid lie. It's a big fat leech that eats guardians and summoners!"

"Hey!" Elma said. "That's blasphemy!"

"Elma, Rikku, please," Isaaru said. Even now, he sounded unperturbed, although his smile was melancholy. "The truth, it seems, is that love defeats Sin. It transcends even Yevon: both the foe whose ravages inspired our religion, and the wise teachings that arose from that unpromising beginning."

"Sir?" Elma said. "Do I wanna know what you just said, or can I just forget it and wait for orders?"

"You've gotta be kidding me," Rikku said.

"The truth," Maroda said, turning and storming towards Auron, "is that he wasn't going to tell us any of this. So when were you going to let us in on the big secret? In Zanarkand? After me or Pacce volunteered for the Final Summoning? After Isaaru was dead?"

Auron sagged against the wall, face hidden in his collar. As Maroda reached him, he slid to the floor, doubled over. A single pyrefly drifted from the folds of his coat. When Maroda stooped over him, Auron lashed out, swinging a wild punch that Maroda dodged with a curse.

"What the—?" Rikku said, jumping up.

"Sin's toxin?" Elma said, starting to climb out of her seat.

Exasperated, Maroda threw himself upon Auron and seized his collar, barking into his face. "Just what are you playing at, old man? Are you trying to stop Sin, or protect it? No, her! The Lady's your girlfriend, is that it? You've been talking to her all along, haven't you? Haven't you?" More pyreflies floated loose as Maroda shook him. Auron snarled and reached for the man's throat.

"Maroda!" Isaaru said. "Sir Auron, stop!"

"Toxin, yeah," Rikku said, stepping in front of the summoner. "I guess if Lulu doesn't make 'em horny, she gives 'em PMS. Isaaru, Elma, don't breathe!" She tossed a pellet towards the grappling combatants.

There was a yellow flash, a bang, and an acrid stench. Everyone's vision tunneled. Isaaru staggered. Maroda and Auron went down, collapsing on top of one another. Rikku sat down on them, kicking her heels against the floor with an air of triumph. "Wow. Is there something in the teachings that says guardians have to be blockheads?"

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Next Chapter: "The Falcon Cannot Hear"

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Author's Notes

Credit where due: Thanks as always to mintywolf for a gorgeous illustration. Here's the full-sized version.

Chapter renumbering: This was originally Chapter 21, posted December 2008.

Comments

[mintywolf]

I like how Rikku breaks up the guardian brawl like breaking up a cat fight with a spray bottle. BEHAVE, YOU TWO!!

Interesting mention that Shinra has moved on from figuring out what makes machina tick to doing the same with people, trying to diagnose what's (mentally, I assume) wrong with Nooj. It's about time Spira got some therapists.

Yuna's sphere is, of course, a PUNCH TO THE FEELINGS, even though I knew it was coming.

[auronlu]

Between Brother, Cid, Wakka and the kids, I have a feeling Rikku is an expert in the use of spray bottle diplomacy.

Gods, Spira needs therapists. Unfortunately I'm not sure Shinra would be a very good one, as he's probably treating it as a mechanical/biochemical issue, and strikes me as exactly the sort of scientist to use electroshock therapy.

And yeah. The feels. I always debate taking all those bleeping ellipses out, but I just hear Yuna talking like that, and the mix of hesitancy and deliberate pauses to make her point clear are so very Yuna.

As is Lulu backing her up utterly selflessly even while wanting Yuna not to do this.

By the way, apologies for missing artist's credit. I've put it where it belongs at the top of both posts, if you wanna reblog again (or not).

[mintywolf]

No problem! I saw there was credit at the bottom of the post, but the read more link leads back here so it wasn't originally visible on tumblr.

I use a lot of ellipses in Yuna's dialogue for the same reason, haha. (Or sometimes it's spread across several smaller speech bubbles.) I'm glad you kept them; I think her voice came across very clearly in the dialogue you wrote here.

[melchar]

And the picture is beautiful, sad and also perfect!

[melchar]

Loved this - and OMG the feels! You did it perfectly, IMO.