Final Fantasy V Recap, Ep. I: "Of Ham & Cheese"

As usual, I'd like to start my Let's Play Final Fantasy with (1) a link to Moogle University's FFV write-ups which inspired my own playthrough and (2) the opening FMV from the PS1 remaster (Final Fantasy Anthology, 2003, which is what hooked me on this game despite the flatter-than-Data's-poetry localization):

Thoughts:

• Dear Squeenix, when you turn Amano's concept art into 3D, you do not have to leave their skin the color of a piece of paper.
• It's amazing how quickly graphics look dated, isn't it? But Uematsu's music still soars.
• I adore the outrageous spines and jewels sticking out of everything, especially that pirate ship.
• Black trenchcoat? Check. Katana? Check. Bishie badassitude? Check. Sephiroth, you are a cheap imitation of the ORIGINAL appearance of this character design. Nyah nyah. 

Okay! Time to break open the iOS remaster, whose retro Amano concept art caricatures clash crazily with stretched chibis.I'll be borrowing some original-game graphics from videogamesprites.net for commentary, because I love 'em. Note: Boldface is actual game dialog, non-bold is my paraphrase, or...er...embellishments.

( On with the playthrough )