Date: 2009-11-01 02:22 pm (UTC)
Only Auron would be irritated by being healed. It amuses me

Poor Auron. It must be heart-numbingly difficult to try to console so many people. Hee. I like that Isaaru could see through Auron's lie. He is a very intelligent man in your story and that's very good.

I like the way the Council is set up. I like that Lucil contradicts Shelinda (Shelinda always gave me a headache - true confession).

Elma's description of Lulu. Ha!

I'm not sure how I feel about the exposition. On the one hand, in the story it seems necessary, because all of the characters might not know it, but is it necessary for the reader? I appreciate the fact you are writing for a reader who might not even have played the games. I think that's excellent. I'm not sure I remember if I feel it's even necessary for someone who hasn't played the games. My memory for the rest of the story isn't long enough. It was clear as crystal to me, but I've played them both. Just a thought, you might not need to explain all of that here. Then again, you just might. I am not sure.

I love everyone's reaction to Auron admitting he chats with Lulu. Hee.

Glorified conveyor belt is also excellent. I enjoy the fact that Pacce has the plan.

I like the way you worked out the debate. It was interesting because of who broached what opinions and I feel like every voice was heard. I do feel a little that it was almost too brief though. That's a lot of decision to be making all at once. Then again, the situation with Sin is more volatile than the situation with Sauron. He was just gearing up to begin his war, while these characters have been fighting the war hard for a long time.

-"Disturbingly, there was blood pooling in the hollows of his eyes as if he had been weeping tears." I think I know what you meant to say, but I'm not entirely sure how to fix this. To say "as if he had been weeping blood" would be a bit too repetitious here, I think.

-"Isaar returned Baralai's bow, but politic speech had deserted him." Just Isaaru's name, a typo.
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