The conversation between Auron and the brothers is priceless -- they all sound like themselves (and I've been meaning to complement you on how you've turned Pacce into a young man; I can see the boy he was, but he's clearly changed and grown), and just enough humor in their banter to keep the story from getting too heavy. I like the reappearance of Dona and Barthello as well, and all the hero-worship (Pacce of Barthello, Barthello of Auron). The welcoming ceremony is also a lovely touch of world-building.
One nitpick:
Maroda and Auron, at least, would recognize the pub's owner, Kulukan.
I can't tell from context whose thought this is, and as a consequence it feels like the voice of the writer. Not exactly sure how to suggest a fix, but I thought I would mention it.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2008-07-14 06:33 am (UTC)One nitpick:
I can't tell from context whose thought this is, and as a consequence it feels like the voice of the writer. Not exactly sure how to suggest a fix, but I thought I would mention it.