You said: Sometimes Mary Sue escapism is making characters have advantages you don't. And then sometimes it's about giving them the same disadvantages you do, yet they still succeed.
If we cross out the word "Mary Sue," I like this as a broad-based starter definition for escapism that isn't loaded down with Mary Sue's baggage.
To keep it female-specific, we could replace "Mary Sue" with "female-centered."
Something like:
Female-centric escapism is about creating female protagonists who sometimes have extra advantages you don't have, and often have at least some of the same disadvantages you do have, yet they still manage to succeed when facing similar if not far greater challenges.
Oh wait! Adding this:
If we cross out the word "Mary Sue," I like this as a broad-based starter definition for escapism that isn't loaded down with Mary Sue's baggage.
To keep it female-specific, we could replace "Mary Sue" with "female-centered."
Something like:
Female-centric escapism is about creating female protagonists who sometimes have extra advantages you don't have, and often have at least some of the same disadvantages you do have, yet they still manage to succeed when facing similar if not far greater challenges.